Thursday, January 2, 2014

in which a fat headed angel tells me what to do

last night an angel burst forth from a facebook post.

without a single trumpet, hosanna or blinding light to fill the room, i was faced with a messenger from the other side of wherever we exist.  to be polite i offered it a cup of hot chocolate which it immediately declined as it lacked not only any type of digestive system, but a body as well.

it was basically just a head precariously perched atop some little wings.  being who i am i immediately took the fact that it was not an archangel in my presence to mean that i was just what i have been concerned about.  i'm ordinary.  just a regular guy without a grand purpose.

that was on my mind earlier in the day as i sat around watching one television broadcast after another and reading one blog post after another about resolutions and beginnings and how to define and redefine and redo your redefinitions in the new year.

but hadn't my new year already started?  my birthday was just two weeks ago.  isn't that when i should have commenced the creation of a new me?  (if so then the new me is very much like the old me with lovely little excuses to avoid working out (oh that dead possum on the side of the road, how cruel is the world), to wait until the last moment to do something (but i live in the moment!), and just plain old avoiding things (oh, look how shiny that is!).

one little segment that caught my attention was when it was suggested that you choose a single word to focus on for the year.  now i lack the discipline to focus on a single thing at any one time.  so to have one word be my defining element for the next 365 days is a bit daunting.

but i sat in the back yard next to the creek and opened my heart chakra and cleared my aura and chanted and prayed and meditated while watching the dogs do their business and writing down a little list of things i needed to do, and searched for my word.

and in the silence i heard the word, "proscuitto".

no, that couldn't be my word, could it?  i love it certainly but not enough to eat it for the entire year!  (that's a lie!)

i listened again and i heard, "cappuccino".  but i was trying to avoid caffeine with the new diet, despite the big keurig coffee maker that sat on my kitchen counter.  no, there were too many other choices that would matter more.

and that's why the angel showed up.  without a single blaring horn or lightning strike it presented my word written on a flowing banner.

disciple.

we argued for awhile as i refused to follow anyone nor subject myself to believing the opinions of others to which the little floating head reminded me of all the news blogs i follow and then the embarrassing moment when i realized the word was actually 'discipline'.

'for you have asked for organization but without discipline you are simply obsessively compulsively moving through creation.'  (yes, yes i did ask to be more organized years ago but that had more to do with my keeping track of where my bills were and balancing my checkbook).

discipline.  it sounded binding so i rejected it.

'my word for the year shall be RE.'

'but that is not a word!'

'RE as in REview, REnew, REdo....'

'that is a prefix!  you cheat!'

well, yes it was a cheat but i've cheated death and bad luck so much throughout my life it's one thing i do well.  but the little angel was having nothing to do with it and so we wrestled.

and it was nothing like what i thought, no thunderous roar high atop a mountain.  we more or less tumbled around the kitchen for awhile (slippery little creature being just a fat head with wings).

'discipline!'

'RE!'

we knocked espresso cups to the floor (i must buy those demi-tasse spoons i thought!)

'discipline!'

'RE!'

we knocked the computer over and the angel told me i wasted my time with nonsense postings and i reminded the angel that it had sprung from a post about a salmon cream cheese bagel i had eaten, verily from the very picture i had taken of it!

and so it went until we were both spent and the little creature shouted that i should do whatever i wanted because i had always done whatever i wanted and was i pleased where it had gotten me? (paraphrased.)

well, that stopped me in my tracks.  and in a puff of smoke, and the squeak of a kazoo it vanished leaving behind the banner with the word discipline written on it.


well, i'm awake now and redoing a few things around the house.  i deleted the news blogs i spend so much time searching for conflict in.  i cleaned the kitchen and tossed out the pile of proscuitto i've been hoarding since christmas.  and i made myself a cup of tea and sat down to write.

i'm going to go for a walk and spend ten good minutes clearing my head of thoughts.  i'll probably call my brother who i've been avoiding all year and then later i'll light the fireplace, wrap myself in the banner the angel left behind and spend my day in RE!





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